Monday, March 22, 2010

Luna

So I just went to the Metric show. I honestly do think I was the only black guy there. I was kind of shocked. I know a lot of people but ran into only 3 outside my party and one of them was incredibly gorgeous but I cant remember her name. She got scratched due to age or something and I don't know if it was a work girl or one of my many strange encounters with human kind but she was delish. I have been grieving a bit. Losing my faith, losing my way, losing my friend and losing my children and then losing Stephen sister it was like this big iceberg of pain just collapsed from the cruel sun of time that shines but melts it. I got chastised and more confused. I played the hand I was dealt and lost. I want to quit the game but its like i tell everyone don't play checkers when everything is playing chess. I cant play chess well so i get stuck. I don't make a move. Now i don't play i just think what should i do. It is easier than thinking what I am going to do because I am still reactionary. I have lived too long on instinct and with the talent of pattern recognition and the desire to evolve past the reality I feel strongly, speak strongly and act strongly and that is like a dull sword versus a tomato. You destroy more than you slice. So I have a new vision and I have no dream. I have nothing. Squandered the talents and used laziness as my shield and charity as my salve. Everything dies. Love, pain, relationships,passion even dreams. I had a joyous time. try ting to figure out how to resolve my past. Trying to figure out how to create a future. I did too much too soon. I failed too hard too early and then destroyed it too soon. Fortune shone bright in my favour and i drink it all leaving the mustache of experience for anyone to see. I think this is going to be one of those emo blogs due to the circumstances. I and Pete got called rude for grasping the living moment without reserve. I felt free, not caring about the impossible or the possible or the likely even. Impassioned by the siren of joy and sweat. Comfortable in my being.No judgements or cares...Listening to Luna. Watching deep anime again that is old but timeless. Cooking the chicken for the week. Smiling at the letters that appear. Trying to understand Lena and her fear. Trying to understand my fear. Trying to realize my circumstances. Trying to keep ahead of the advances...Retreat is not my skill. I have crashed so much to just feel the contact....Lost in my soul. Embracing the joy of everything that lives and loves. Awesome show...