Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Monday, May 24, 2010
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Monday, March 22, 2010
Luna
So I just went to the Metric show. I honestly do think I was the only black guy there. I was kind of shocked. I know a lot of people but ran into only 3 outside my party and one of them was incredibly gorgeous but I cant remember her name. She got scratched due to age or something and I don't know if it was a work girl or one of my many strange encounters with human kind but she was delish. I have been grieving a bit. Losing my faith, losing my way, losing my friend and losing my children and then losing Stephen sister it was like this big iceberg of pain just collapsed from the cruel sun of time that shines but melts it. I got chastised and more confused. I played the hand I was dealt and lost. I want to quit the game but its like i tell everyone don't play checkers when everything is playing chess. I cant play chess well so i get stuck. I don't make a move. Now i don't play i just think what should i do. It is easier than thinking what I am going to do because I am still reactionary. I have lived too long on instinct and with the talent of pattern recognition and the desire to evolve past the reality I feel strongly, speak strongly and act strongly and that is like a dull sword versus a tomato. You destroy more than you slice. So I have a new vision and I have no dream. I have nothing. Squandered the talents and used laziness as my shield and charity as my salve. Everything dies. Love, pain, relationships,passion even dreams. I had a joyous time. try ting to figure out how to resolve my past. Trying to figure out how to create a future. I did too much too soon. I failed too hard too early and then destroyed it too soon. Fortune shone bright in my favour and i drink it all leaving the mustache of experience for anyone to see. I think this is going to be one of those emo blogs due to the circumstances. I and Pete got called rude for grasping the living moment without reserve. I felt free, not caring about the impossible or the possible or the likely even. Impassioned by the siren of joy and sweat. Comfortable in my being.No judgements or cares...Listening to Luna. Watching deep anime again that is old but timeless. Cooking the chicken for the week. Smiling at the letters that appear. Trying to understand Lena and her fear. Trying to understand my fear. Trying to realize my circumstances. Trying to keep ahead of the advances...Retreat is not my skill. I have crashed so much to just feel the contact....Lost in my soul. Embracing the joy of everything that lives and loves. Awesome show...
Saturday, January 30, 2010
“The only way to deal with gangster activity is to recognize it and not become a gangster yourself. “Self-confidence, self-respect, be willing to work, be willing to serve, and know that you are not The Messiah,” He affirms, “You cannot save everybody and may not save any body, but you may be able to just work hard and leave the world a better place.” Dr. Cornel West.
I have not written a blog in forever because I have not written anything worthy in just that same amount of time. Plenty of great and wonderful ideas but none taken to any level of planning or participation by me. In short I quit expressing shit via media.
Then the ghosts came. Actually they did not. Nothing happened no great revelation no great epiphany or realization. Nothing. I still love bacon and think about dessert but don't have room or want it. I wish my dad was here. I always imagine him ten times smarter than me. I have no idea what he would say to me about anything I did or was doing. Why is everything so complicated when I see it so simply?
Back to Mr. President. I will honor him but let’s get something straight. Push the legislation through. Get it done and move on to real shit. If I disappear or get shot in some crazy lone gunman scenario believe you me it was a complete set up. I love myself waaaaayyyyy too much to do that kind of stupid short sighted retarded thing. I mean seriously, seriously lone gunman? You got some explaining to do Lucy! Tell people what’s up and why and what you need and what it takes and we are there. So far you are becoming the first Mc President. Don't fuck it up.
I wish I could go back and tell my Mom to not marry the psychopathic child abuser rapist I called Father. My step-dad sucked. I am glad I didn’t swallow his bullshit hook line and sinker. Yeah I know. Pretty fucked for a casual blog about rappers and whatever random crap. But my reality is so fucked its harder to deal with than bitching about it when I got it so fucking great. I got the magick touch but no genuine control of it. I’m straight hilarious. I crack myself the fuck up. I sometimes come up with such funny shit I just sit back and laugh and laugh and then I forget to tell someone about it. I got steady income and around a lot of great people. I have seen the world. Diversity has been the standard in my life rather than the exception in practically everything. But I have had it kind of rough too. We all got the weight. If it isn’t a broken heart or soul, it is something else more fundamental. Right now I got a lot of pain from a lot of directions. Ton of insecurities in a world that feasts on the weak like a value menu. I got every chance to succeed and just too much fear and ineptitude to fail. Dood, lets seriously get a little less personal and macabre. Jeebus I want to kick my own ass. Ok, it is slowly becoming Rod party in a box. Everywhere is an opportunity to expand my delusion of grandeur. I love the stranger love. I think I have been held by more people who I don’t know lately than by those that I do. I think I am at a critical stand still all the way around. Find someone to love or not. Not angry anymore about it. It being the lifestyle I have. I just figured it out far as the fact that I most likely won’t have the picket fence with someone but I can do it alone. I just thought I would at least have a few close things a lot longer than I did. Okay I guess it is a good stopping point…
I have not written a blog in forever because I have not written anything worthy in just that same amount of time. Plenty of great and wonderful ideas but none taken to any level of planning or participation by me. In short I quit expressing shit via media.
Then the ghosts came. Actually they did not. Nothing happened no great revelation no great epiphany or realization. Nothing. I still love bacon and think about dessert but don't have room or want it. I wish my dad was here. I always imagine him ten times smarter than me. I have no idea what he would say to me about anything I did or was doing. Why is everything so complicated when I see it so simply?
Back to Mr. President. I will honor him but let’s get something straight. Push the legislation through. Get it done and move on to real shit. If I disappear or get shot in some crazy lone gunman scenario believe you me it was a complete set up. I love myself waaaaayyyyy too much to do that kind of stupid short sighted retarded thing. I mean seriously, seriously lone gunman? You got some explaining to do Lucy! Tell people what’s up and why and what you need and what it takes and we are there. So far you are becoming the first Mc President. Don't fuck it up.
I wish I could go back and tell my Mom to not marry the psychopathic child abuser rapist I called Father. My step-dad sucked. I am glad I didn’t swallow his bullshit hook line and sinker. Yeah I know. Pretty fucked for a casual blog about rappers and whatever random crap. But my reality is so fucked its harder to deal with than bitching about it when I got it so fucking great. I got the magick touch but no genuine control of it. I’m straight hilarious. I crack myself the fuck up. I sometimes come up with such funny shit I just sit back and laugh and laugh and then I forget to tell someone about it. I got steady income and around a lot of great people. I have seen the world. Diversity has been the standard in my life rather than the exception in practically everything. But I have had it kind of rough too. We all got the weight. If it isn’t a broken heart or soul, it is something else more fundamental. Right now I got a lot of pain from a lot of directions. Ton of insecurities in a world that feasts on the weak like a value menu. I got every chance to succeed and just too much fear and ineptitude to fail. Dood, lets seriously get a little less personal and macabre. Jeebus I want to kick my own ass. Ok, it is slowly becoming Rod party in a box. Everywhere is an opportunity to expand my delusion of grandeur. I love the stranger love. I think I have been held by more people who I don’t know lately than by those that I do. I think I am at a critical stand still all the way around. Find someone to love or not. Not angry anymore about it. It being the lifestyle I have. I just figured it out far as the fact that I most likely won’t have the picket fence with someone but I can do it alone. I just thought I would at least have a few close things a lot longer than I did. Okay I guess it is a good stopping point…
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